Something I'm working on

This doesn't have a title yet but it's something I'm working on.

Last summer I finally got my mom to pay attention to me. It only took 20 years and some wild nights. It wasn’t my intention at the time to get her to notice, I thought I was partying because it was fun not a cry for attention. I stopped doing that when I was around six and I got beat in the tub for it. After that I was very selective about the times I cried. It’s not until I think about my life that I realize my actions were for a reason and not the reason I intended in the first place. I’m not sure of the exact event that all this stems from, it could be the abuse or the neglect. I never thought any of it affected me. I thought I was the exception to these rules. I figured since I was so young when it happened that it didn’t matter. I thought I could be normal. Whatever that meant, it’s not until I’m in a relationship that I question why I am the way I am. I never noticed how distant I could be. It never dawned on me that I don’t have friends because of events that made me distrust them. I was hoping that I didn’t have to deal with those unanswered questions I had. When I was around six years old I was being molested by my brother’s dad. At the time I thought he was my dad and I didn’t know what was going on. All I knew was it made me feel weird and it felt wrong and that I needed to tell my mom. I tried to tell her for a long time but I never could because he was always around. I think he knew that I would tell. He didn’t threaten me to be quiet at first he tried to tell me to keep our secret. I was Queen Tattletale as a kid though and I ratted everyone out. I still can’t believe that was me. I was that little girl with my dolly and my pig tails. I guess that’s why I killed all my dolls after that. Nobody protected me from him, my mom left him home to watch me, and my brother was just clueless because in his eyes his dad could do no wrong. I was the monster once I released the secret.

Why is this on the news

I watched...well listened to news and it's just annoying at the things they report. I'm sorry but who cares about the woman's puppies that ran away. They clearly ran away for a reason. I want to see more about the Presidential candidates especially these Republicans. They've clearly lost their mind. I listen to their promises and think to myself "Who the fuck is dumb enough to vote for them?" I get my answer every time these people open their mouths and the crowd around them listen. America where the ones in power are the dumbest of all.

Bar meets cloud

I met him randomly. I was drunk he was high not together. I went out one Saturday night with my best friend.....well we only went to the bar near my house. We got our usual 2 long islands and random shots of grey goose and coconut ciroc whenever we wanted them. It's like 12am and I'm grabbed by the hand and dragged outside by my friend. I'm confused, I'm drunk and this was like 6 months ago. I think the conversation went something like this. Her: "Yea Jasmine? We're coming up right now we just left the bar we're not too far away." Me: "Wait! Are we really going up there? Like Right now I can't travel like this." I'm obviously drunk and I don't like to travel far under the influence. We make it on the bus and to the stop where we have to get off. We start walking it's dark but we're walking and talking. We're loud obviously and this car pulls up beside us and this guy is saying all the lame creeper lines. "Hey baby, you need a ride?" "You got fries with that shake?" and all these other creeper lines so I pulled out my mase and sprayed his ass. To this day I do not know if the mase bottle was really empty or if I was that drunk but my friend takes the mase bottle and tries to spray him as well. She hands me the bottle back and I was so mad and frustrated that I just through the bottle in his open window. I was aiming for his face but my drunk aim is not that good...anyways he speeds off and we continue our walk Jasmine is a girl I have never met before. We've tweeted but until that day in August we had never seen each other. I spot her immediately from across the street at 5th and Olney. I was tired off walking and since it was 1:30am and she was the only person..well there were two boys with her but I didn't really see them from afar. Me:"What does Jasmine look like? I think that's her right there. My friend" Uhh her hair is curly" Jasmine"HEyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!' We run across the street. Jasmine and my friend hug and I'm left there standing and watching looking at them awkwardly until I look up into a pair of olive green eyes and a wild mane of blonde-brown hair. That I would soon learn later was Carl who that night kind of captured my interest. Carl and I would go almost two months without seeing each other but now Carl and I are a we. A power couple and we met on a random Saturday night. I was drunk and he was high. I was drunk and then I got high. I went to a bar and then I met Carl. He asked me my name and for a hug. Since it was my first night meeting him when he asked for the hug I gave him a face which stated loud and clearly "NO!" I also told my name was Rose which was just a lie for fun. I meant to tell him my real name but I forgot and I didn't think it was important. So for about an hour he just didn't say anything to me and I didn't care because to me he was a pretty stranger. I was just listening to the chatter around me. Observing and taking mental notes, trying to decide if I wanted to speak or if silence was the best answers I could give at them moment. Carl and I sat on the two seat sofa, at time I referred to him as "My Couch Buddy" and as time went on he warmed up to me. We eventually started talking which lead to flirting and well I think I fell asleep around 5. That was in August when Carl and I met we wouldn't see each other again until October. There's still things about that night I think back on and laugh about. It was random and it was fun but it was also the night I met someone who became extremely important in my life. No matter how we met I'm glad we did. We could've been doing crack in an alley way or meth in Idaho. It doesn't matter we met at 5th and Olney at 2am all because my friend wanted to see one of her friends from middle school. Life sure is funny that way.